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Friday, September 13, 2013

My Most Honest Confession


Their faces say it all. What starts as judgemental stares quickly change to desperate concern as they watch Jackson go from angry and frustrated to full blown wild animal. The flash point is so intense that it scares people and while they move away, I have to charge in to try and rescue him from himself. It is heart breaking to see him suffer and in that moment onlookers can finally see his pain as I do.  I pull him close as he bites me, pulls my hair and scratches my face because he needs love to recover and heal and while it hurts me, it hurts him more to feel so out of control not knowing why his mind fails him when he needs it so desperately. My anger at autism quickly moves to anger at God as I struggle to understand why He doesn't charge in to help Jackson. 

3 comments:

  1. I understand. :-) Mine is 10 years old.

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  2. I am so sorry to hear about Jackson's pain, which leads to your pain. This has been our story with our Jack the past year. In June, we had him scoped by Dr. Arthur Krigsman, a pediatric GI specialist who works with kids with autism in New York. He found his small intestine inflamed with ulcers and lesions in it. The treatments have not been easy, and at times the side effects of the medications have lead to more intense aggressions than before. Yet we hope he is on a path to relief (God willing, healing of his pain). I think it would be worth you giving this doctor a call (http://www.autismgi.com; 718-327-2200, ext. 101).

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  3. It sounds like a bad day. We have been there. It is refreshing to hear honesty, what emotions are our reality as parents of these children. I do believe my son is amazing even when his pain is so apparent and others don't understand. God gave you your amazing son because He knew you were the best person for the job and He knew you needed him. God is there, He is always there; especially in the pain.

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